I Need to be Me, Even When Others are Looking

As is true for most people, my life has had much pain and suffering. With my pain and suffering I have learned ways to protect myself that are unhealthy. One of those ways is to be standoffish, always waiting to see what will happen before I make a move in any direction, especially with relationships. In my pursuit of fulfillment and a life that is worthwhile I have been taken in different directions, which have lead me to understand some things about myself. Part of learning the truth about who I am and who I have tried to be has brought me to the understanding that there is a person in my life that is a false sense of self. The person I thought I was, is not who I really am. That part of me that was created to fit a certain lifestyle, one that I thought would seem normal, was not really who God intended me to be.

Striving for acceptance and love has brought me to the end of myself and that is a good place to start over with the real me, ha! I have realized it’s not about perfection, but acceptance. We are not to strive to be what we think will make ourselves or others happy, but instead we must embrace who we are. We need to acknowledge the fact that it is the Lord who created us. He loved us from day one and even after we have made a total mess out of our lives by trying to make them something they were never intended to be, he continues to love us and waits patiently for us to come home. What a good God we serve.

This tells me something that will be key in fulfilling the joy and love I am to experience in my daily life. I need to accept the fact that I am who I am and allow myself to be me, even when others are looking. I should say; especially when others are looking. We make real connections with people only when we are real with them. There is a part of me that does not readily allow myself to be candid. Yet when I think about it, I find that it is in those times when I am in a situation where the real me is allowed to shine through that I am most comfortable and at ease. Those are the times when I allow myself to truly live and feel. My soul longs for more of those types of experiences.

It is in those times when I long to be close to people that I realize the reason I am not making the desired connection is because I have allowed a protective barrier to form around my heart. In my need to be accepted by others and in seeking that acceptance, I have overlooked one important component. That is, the piece of the puzzle where I am relaxed enough to be me even when people are looking.

I have come to realize that in order to love myself, I mean truly love myself…I need to make an effort to allow the real me to be present in my life. I have a picture of what that person looks like…It is me without my protective barriers. She comes out when I am with a close friend or with my children. She is playful and fun, sometimes silly, sometimes sad, but she is always able to relax and take life as it comes. She has nothing to prove, nothing to hide and seeks only to be. I need more of me. How about you?