His Grace is Sufficient ...

Did you ever meet someone who already knows everything? How about someone who each time you try to talk about anything at all, she or he has done it better or to a greater degree? Have you ever met someone who is very loud and talks excessively and seems to never listen or care what other people around them think? I have met someone like that recently and because I am supposed to be the one to help and kind of guide her in areas she may need help in, it has been more than difficult for me. My natural tendency is to hide from people who make me feel the way she makes me feel.

Because of my experience above, I am realizing some very important things about myself and my relationships. A couple of thoughts came to me and took me by surprise as I was questioning myself concerning a certain person in my life that I have had a difficult time being around. It seems as though this one person has been testing my tolerance levels. Even before I realized the relationship was strained I began to note many issues or apparent flaws within that person’s personality. I have prayed every day for the last three weeks about this one person in particular. She is new in my life so the issue is fresh. I can look at the relationship from an objective point of view to some degree because I don’t really know her all that well.

I have been extremely troubled by the fact that I am dealing with a person who for whatever reason doesn’t seem to have the common social values to know how to relate effectively with other people. Some things I guess I just expect from people; one of which is that they will listen once in a while instead of always talking. Another is that maybe they will notice that other people are not behaving in the same way that they are and perhaps learn from example. That sounds pretty irritating doesn’t it? Hold on it gets better. I know now that my feelings and thoughts concerning this person are not in line with the Lord’s feelings and thoughts for this person. This has brought me to a place where I have had to ask myself some very important questions about my own social behavior.

It has always been the norm for me to stay away from people who cause discomfort in my life. I generally avoid those who push so heavily on my low tolerance level. My reaction is to the degree that I literally have to tell myself not to say anything for fear that I might regret it later. Staying away from people who seem, for whatever reason, to push my buttons is for safety, not only mine, but for theirs also. If I spewed out the thoughts that have been running though my mind at any given moment I would blast them and destroy any hope of having a caring or fruitful relationship with them.

As I was praying about this relationship I could see how it was beginning to take the same shape as many other relationships that had previously come and gone in my life. This led me to look deeper inside myself and assess the real issues. I began to think of other people that I have struggled with. It wasn’t long before I was asking the Lord to show me the deep rooted issue the keeps these kinds of relationships coming back again and again in my life. I knew that the only way I would deal with the ugliness in my heart was to see first hand the depth of it’s grip on my life. I was deeply hurt and remorseful to find that the very thing I have been talking and writing about these past couple of months was at the root of all of my relational issues.

Once the truth was in plain view I knew I had to take all that I understood of it to the Lord. This was my prayer:

Forgive me Lord for not being able to be in relationships where I am unable to control and steer the relationship. Show me what you want me to learn from those I cannot control. Lord I have such a hard time with this person and Lord I want to be able to relate to her. I have tried all the things I know how to do, yet I find it almost impossible to relate to this person on any level that is not some kind of power struggle. Everything in me wants to lead, yet she refuses to allow me to lead her.

In my mind I began to ask the following question: “How can I lead from behind?” This phrase haunted me as it ran through my mind again and again. “How can I lead from behind?” I began to think about what that means exactly and even now I am unsure, but I believe it is something I need to pay attention to if my relationships will ever be what the Lord would want them to be.

What are you trying to teach me Lord with this relationship? Lord, help me to get this as I give this relationship to you. Teach me through it I pray.

After that prayer I spent most of the day thinking about other relationships in my life and realizing that I have been very careful for most of my adult life to stay away from people who could potentially have control over me in any way. I was humbled as I had to look at the ugly truth about each relationship and I assessed the reasons why my relationships have either worked or not worked.

I went into work the next day and made a conscious decision that instead of shutting the woman who I was having so many issues with out of my life, I was going to go out of my way to include her in things that I was doing. I was friendly instead of distant and it seemed as though the dynamic force that had been keeping me away from her was suddenly gone. I spoke to her with humility and a humble heart and she responded with a softer tone. She still talked a lot, but I found that when I became gentle toward her, she responded softer toward me.

Oh how I wish relationships were easy and lasting bonds of love would happen naturally. It seems relationships are so much work. I have come to the conclusion that those that I have problems with could very well be the ones I am unable to control in some way.

Lord I pray this goes further than just what I know and understand today. I pray you continue to lead me and teach me through the difficulties in my life. I realize so much now the importance of dealing with the difficulties in life and relationships must be dealt with head on. I need to take measures to make things work in healthy ways because you have called me to be a person of action, not passivity. Forgive me Father and my prayer for myself today is that you would continue this work you have begun in me. Continue Lord to give me hope for the possibility of wholeness in my life. I know in my heart that just seeing an issue and knowing it is wrong is not enough, but I can’t change on my own. Lord give me what I need to stay open to your promptings and help me as I do what I teach the men at my work place. Thank you Lord!

This is what I say to the men, “When something makes you uncomfortable or you are feeling fear, deal with it head on. Don’t avoid your discomfort or difficult issues. Don’t bounce off those walls when you come upon them. Don’t change direction or avoid your issues. Deal with them head on because if you avoid or walk away from your discomfort or fear now…it will come back and be looking you in the eye another day.” This is what I teach in my character building class and I have been feeling like such a hypocrite, but then I began to listen to my own words and take my advice for once. Thank you Lord for the many ways you are at work in my life. Your grace is sufficient.