A New Relationship With the Lord

My new goal is to spend some time studying the character of God because for some odd reason, over the past two years I have lost sight of who he really is. There was a time when I felt I knew the Lord intimately, but today I realize the intimacy I felt with the Lord was little more than a taste; a dab from the end of his finger to the tip of my tongue is the amount of him that I actually realized. I am under the distinct impression that perhaps I never knew him the way I thought I did. I have never been more at peace and satisfied than when I understood that I was truly loved by God, just as I am, but now I realize there is much more to this walk with the Lord. I am no longer satisfied with only a taste of what God offers.

The Lord extended his grace to me in huge amounts over the past couple of years. When I first realized he was real, 11 years ago, my hunger to be close to him and understand all I could about him seemed immense, but as difficulties came into my life again and again, I began to loose faith in him. Someplace in all the hardships and brokenness, I allowed myself to believe the lie that his ability to make change in my life was not all that I had previously believed. My view of him changed through loss and pain. I felt that if he really cared about me he would change my circumstances. I became too weak to fight and I waited for him to rescue me, but it seemed as time passed I fell deeper and deeper into the little hole I had allowed to swallow my life. I even became angry with God.

I realize this is not the kind of relationship that will take me very far in my walk with the Lord. I understand very clearly that I can’t get too comfortable in my walk with the Lord to the point where I am just going through the motions. I will admit, I became tired, and worn out. Some say I got burned-out, which I adamantly denied, but today I admit it is likely the truth. There are a number of reasons for that, which I won’t go into because I don’t think it matters anymore. My focus was distracted from the goal the Lord had for me. Most of which was not of my own doing, but it changed my view and perception and now that I know that I need to do something to get my life back on track with the Lord.

The past must stay in the past and what comes will come naturally if I don’t look too far ahead and try to direct or control the outcome. I believe my life will encounter many episodes in which the Lord will use the obstacles that I will encounter to stretch me. This will be a good thing and will help me to grow into the person he created me to be. I realize now that it is not the destination that will make my life worthwhile, but it is the journey I will take on the way to that destination. When I have a destination or goal in mind, I am driven to succeed. As I work toward this destination I see the progress I am making and this encourages me to continue, but I miss so much living in because I am so focused on the end.

In the past, instead of making progress toward my destination, I felt I was falling behind. This disrupted my drive to reach the destination, therefore diminished my purpose and reason to continue working at it. I think I understand now that the destination is the prize when all is said and done, but the real treasure is in living within every moment between here and there. So my new goal is to do my best to just live in the moment and look for opportunities to share my moments with those the Lord places in my life. Before I can truly do that I need to fortify my view of the God. I need to study his character. So for now, maybe forever, I plan on living in the moment with him as much as possible in order to know him more.

Pastor’s sermon last Sunday was just want I needed. He talked about the virtues of a disciple. Gentleness was the virtue of the day. Pastor stated that our gentleness should be noted by all (Phil. 4.5) and then he talked about the opposite of gentleness being harshness. Throughout the sermon he kept coming back to the fact that the Lord is gentle. One thing he said really stuck with me, “Things that kill are criticism and harshness in our words and treatment of others”. These are the opposite of gentleness. He brought the message home with this premise. If Christians really want to do the work of the Lord and show love and gentleness they need to speak to people with seeds not bullets. I really liked that. Because of my life experiences I was waiting on the Lord to speak to me with bullets and harshness, but he didn’t and he never will. He opens doors and windows and invites me in. He is gentle and kind as he loves me back into the fold.

I began seeking the character of God by making two lists. One contains words that describe who God is and the other consists of words describing who he is not. I started the lists by noting all the things I needed my parents to be. God is all of those things. Then I listed all the harmful things my parents were and called it the list of things that God is not. Then in my reading I ran across Colossians 3 and Exodus 34:6-7. I plan to continue with my study of the heart of God on a daily basis. A huge part of my growing in understanding concerning who he is will come through the acknowledgment of the work he has already done in my life. This is the beginning of a new relationship with the Lord. God is way better than good! Amen? Amen!