My Boy Andy

2:00 AM Christmas morning 1979 I woke up with cramping pains. I was having contractions. It seemed this little guy was trying to say, "Get ready world, I'm on my way!" I woke my father and step mother up and they drove me about 10 miles to the hospital. Andrew was actually due on the 27th of December, but a Christmas baby would be alright with me. Though I was a little nervous about what was about to happen, the fact that I was actually pretty clueless about it helped me to face reality with little thought. After about 2 hours of sitting at the hospital with nurses checking in on me, they came to the conclusion that I was having false labor and sent me home. Though I was ready to have this baby out of my body...he was not quite ready to come out.

We drove home in silence. That Christmas day was one with mixed emotions. It seemed no one knew how to feel or what to say. There was a lot of tension in our family. I distinctly remember the effects of what was not spoken had on my heart. I could tell my father was unsure of how he should feel exactly. He never shared how he was feeling, but underneath the Christmas tree sat a big brown teddy bear nestled in among the other gifts. That one gift spoke volumes to my heart. Though this baby inside me was yet to have a name; he had a gift under the tree that said "for baby, from grandpa". This subtle gesture made by my emotionally absent father helped me later to understand that he could only show love in ways he knew how to show love. This realization opened my eyes to seeing my dad in a new way and allowed me to forgive him for his inability to show his true emotion in the way I needed.

It was two days later that I actually went into labor. Again it happened in the middle of the night. My eyes opened simultaneously with a dull pain in my lower abdominal area. I wondered if it was real labor as I slowly sat up in bed; paying close attention to the way the pain felt in comparison to when I was having false labor two days before. This time was different and the pains seemed to be steady. So I rolled out of bed and woke my parents up. We made that same trip to the hospital and I was admitted to the baby ward. No one could have prepared me for what I was about the experience. I had no idea what having a baby would be like other than the fact that it would be painful. I was in labor for 15 hours and even when I was fully dilated something was wrong. Finally after trying to push this baby out through natural childbirth (for what seemed like hours) the Dr. realized the baby's head was turned sideways and was not lined up properly for birth.

This is not a big deal in comparison with all that could have gone wrong in the delivery room, but it was a big deal to me. the birthing process was well underway and this baby needed to come out. By now the pain was excruciating not to mention the fact that I was exhausted. The doctor seemed concerned as though there could be no time wasted as he scurried around with an entourage of medical professionals to prepare me for a Spinal Tap. Minutes later he used forceps to turn Andrew's tiny head and guide his little body out into the world. Since I could not feel anything I could only follow the cues of the doctor and nurses as to when the baby was actually born.

My only concern at that point was whether or not the baby was alright. It all happened rather quickly. I heard the tiny cry of this new life for the first time and I could not take my eyes off of him. I looked on intently while the nurse quickly moved him to a side table to clean him up. She wrap the little bundle in an warm blanket and then brought him to me for inspection. As he lay across my chest with eyes closed, I was mesmerized by the absolute perfection in every tiny detail of his face. The emotions that were awakened in me at that moment were deeper and richer than any I had ever experienced in my 18 years of life. He was so beautiful and complete, without a single flaw.

Running my index finger gently across his tiny brow, I noted the precision of its shape. His tiny fingers grasping my one brought more joy and feelings of contentment than anything I could have imagined prior to this point in time. I wanted to stay in that moment; forever taking in the miracle that I had been instrumental in creating. I lack words to describe the love I felt for this little person in the first seconds of his life, but I knew somewhere deep inside, that in that very instant, my world became his world and it was clear to me that having this child was an absolute gift from God.All the thoughts and talk of abortion and adoption from early on in my pregnancy were gone, erased somehow. Just one look at this tiny life and I knew in my heart that I chose correctly when I decided to have this child and raise him myself. I had no idea what the Lord had in store for me. At that time I didn't even know Jesus, but I knew there was a God and I knew this tiny life was for a purpose. Years later I discovered that the Lord used my difficulties to teach and bless me; to what degree, I'm still unsure. But I do know this: what I saw in the spring of my 17th year as a mistake was not a mistake to God.

*NOTE--I thought I would be able to finish this story in this installment, but I would love to continue this story by telling about the ways the Lord has confirmed some of the purposes of Andrew's life...if you have a continued interest in this story come back in a few days. God is pretty amazing!