In the nursing home we see elderly men and women who at one time had full and active lives, but for reasons beyond their own control are unable to move and mingle with the rest of the world at what we might consider a normal pace.
Tonight I spent time with a loved one in the nursing establishment that she calls home. Most often when I visit this friend I leave their feeling uplifted and in good spirits, but tonight my heart grew heavy with sadness. From what I could see the nursing staff and CNAs were doing their best to treat these people with respect, allowing them to keep some form of dignity, but at the same time it was impossible to miss the fact that there were schedules to keep and medications to pass out. I didn't notice many visitors throughout the building on this particular night, but what I did see was a group of elderly people and individuals who have been brought to the same place to become a family of sorts.
They are expected to share a room with someone they don't know, eat with people that are unfamiliar to them and get involved in daily routines that are far from the life they once knew. My heart grows sad for those the world seems to forget. I guess the fact that many of them are unable to recall a visit or may not remember the people in their lives is part of the problem, but at the same time I know in my heart that people are created for relationship. If that is true, why does it have to change so drastically as we age? Do we need less companionship and time with loved ones as we grow old? This uncomfortable reality is hard for me to swallow.
Maybe part of my issue is in coming to terms with the fact that one day I might find myself in similar circumstances. As I looked around the dining room full of people I began to imagine what their lives might have been before coming to this place. I wondered what they might have accomplished in their lives before they were no longer able to take care of their own basic needs.
I have come to this place many times, but for some reason tonight was different. My senses to the residents seemed heightened. As I sat with my friend I shared a few moments of laughter with another woman who was there with us. There was another women who tried to carry on a conversation with me. It was obvious she was troubled about something, though unable to put the words together to communicate clearly. I could not ignore a gentleman seated in a wheelchair as I passed him and said goodnight on my way out the door. His head was hanging down and he was drooling all over himself. I wondered if he was aware of my presence.
The picture above is of the woman I speak of here. She is someone I knew when she still was aware of her surroundings and was able to participate in relationships and happenings in life. This woman was a powerful prayer warrior in her day. Today she is not the same as she used to be. She can hardly speak. There are times when she doesn't know my name, but she still has a smile for me each time I see her. It's as if she knows I am someone she once knew. I miss the person she used to be, but I love her just as much the way she is today.
9 comments:
What a lovely, sensitive post. There should be more people in the world who feel and do as you on this issue. When I was working full time my mother was in a nursing home. I used to visit her after work one day a week and again on the weekend. It was the most heartbreaking, gutwrenching time of my life. It was a lovely home and she was cared for as well as possible with the staff patient ratio they had. I used to think like you, what sort of people had they been and how lonely their lives were, not because there were not people around but no family or friends to hug and laugh with very often.
....the "facts" of that relationhsip may have gone.
.....but the Emotion of past relationships/ friendships I think, hovers around the edges.
i think that maybe...maybe there's a memory of how some people Feel when they're in the presence of another.
A security of being known- even if there's no clue of the how and the where of it.
I know that in my weakest moments, just Being With a friend, even if there's nothing to say, is enough.
To know that I am loved, that I am cared for. To know that I am known ... even when I stuggle to know who I am or what's going on around me.
I remember an incident when I was hospitalised and it was very unclear what the outcome of the operation would be.
First time awake I spoke to a nurse, who answered my bleary questions with professionalism.
Second time awake...? Was it an angel? Whatever it was, he appeared to be dressed in black with a halo of care around his neck. He smiled and spoke words of tender care and comfort.
He wasn't an angel. He was a close friend of our Rector, who chose to come in and sit with me as I came round from anesthesia.
I Felt that care and love.
That's the nearest I can come to it.
I think people KNOW when they're loved, even when their/ our faculties have gone.
I'm sitting here crying as I read your post. I had a grandmother with Alzheimer's disease who had to be in a nursing home. Those were some very sad visits. I have such a merciful heart and I place myself in their situation -- just as you. I wonder what they understand, how they must feel, etc ... One year our choir did a musical at a nursing home. My friend and I wept through the entire thing -- certainly not bringing much joy to these precious souls. I wish the days were still like the show "The Walton's" where the grandparents lived with the younger generations. It would make it much easier to care for our aging parents.
Thank you for sharing this. May God's angels be very active in the nursing homes and hospitals.
Love,
Beth
Thank you for such a precious post. Bless you!
I have had several people in my life that affected me this way. It is so sad sometimes...the circle of life. My husband's father is battling dementia/Alzheimer's disease, and it has been a very sad and humbling experience for my husband to be a part of.
Your words and thoughts really touched me.
(((BIG HUGS!)))
God Bless,
Amy:)
The picture is sad. Trinity and I went to the nursing home today, but I should have called first. You know how it is when Mom's asleep. We will go back tomorrow and I hope she will be awake. I think that one of the cruelst "jokes" of the fall of mankind is that old age makes us look like fools. I am longing for my eternal home this year, and longing for my sweet mother to be there too. One day we will all rejoice together. I am so glad she smiles when she sees you.
Thank you for sharing this today. My heart goes out to all of the lonely people in nursing homes. I'll pray for them!!
Much love...
Merry Christmas!
Angie xoxo
A lovely post, I have had not dissimilar feelings at times when I have been in nursing homes...and I find them hard to feel. It is also partly about whetehr they will feature in my future in any way - family or friends or me personally...we are all human and have lives lived... always reminds me of the poem "what do you see nurse"
Thank you for posting this, Katie, x
Nursing homes are such sad places. It's sad to think that the elder are left. I realize some are left there because they've outlived the rest of their family. My gramma was in a nursing home before she passed. It was very sad to visit her. She suffered from dimentia so her last years she was a warm body who couldn't communicate yet she too kept her joy and smile. She was a woman always laughing and in the beginning of her dimentia she would laugh at whenever others laughed. It was sweet and endearing...she wanted to laugh and her only cue was to laugh when others did...a sweet memory.
You are a very compassionate woman to know only visit this dear lady but to also bring a smile and cheer to others you pass. Knowing you could not pass without acknowledging them.
Merry Christmas, Pat.
Love,
Paula
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