The Eyes of My Own Expereince

If you have read my blog and remember anything about some of my earlier posts, you probably realize I have been working through some not so pleasant truths in myself. There were many areas in my heart that the Lord has been working on through these past two difficult years.

I spent the entire summer seeking closeness with the Lord through the solitude of his creation by getting outside by myself as much as possible. This was instrumental in my perspective change. During that time I wrote about many issues in my life going way back to my earliest memories as a child. Throughout this time of deep introspection I found myself faced with some things that needed to be given back to the Lord to handle and I also dealt with some of the issues that had been awaiting my attention for all of my adult life.

To share all of the experiences I had, I would need to write an entire book so I will share one of the most powerful lessons I have learned as I went through this difficult process. Perhaps some of you might relate to my experience in some way, I don't know, but I do feel the need to share a little bit of it here.

I believe one of the biggest problems I have experienced in my relationships with people stems from a deep need in me that I never quite understood. For some reason I thought that if I explained myself to people and shared the reasons for my behaviors, insecurities and fears they would be able to truly know me. My attempts to help people to gain understanding of myself had the opposite outcome of what I had hoped for.

I truly believed that if I could help people to know the inner workings of my thought processes and share the deepest feeling of my heart, we would somehow meet on some deeper level. I often found myself explaining my explanations and things would just get more and more confusing.

Coming to terms with the fact that no one can truly understand me or my perspective was a painful and confusing episode in my life. Looking back now I can see that the likelihood of another person truly feeling what I am feeling in my heart is very unlikely. The workings of my life are mine alone and no one else has walked the roads I have walked nor have they experienced life as I have.

In gaining understanding concerning the truth about how a person is unable to truly understand me; my eyes were opened to the same truth for my ability to truly understand the thoughts, feelings, views and motives of another person. Just when I felt sure the Lord was doing nothing, I realized he was working me over from the inside out.

Over the years I had done much writing, praying and soul searching. Writing about how each person is a unique gift and should be valued as such. Back then I was writing these things as a cry for acceptance for my own individuality and my resistance to be put in a category. I was deeply wounded and hurt by people's attempts to understand because it seemed they would always assume things based on their own experiences. I did not want to be put in some category...I was all about individualism and uniqueness.

My understanding of people and myself is that we do make judgments of other people based on what we know because it is all we have to go on. I realized that I too had been judging people based on my own experiences and to some degree I still do. How in the world do you get away from that? I have had this one thought that has run through my mind over and over and it is this:
"Don't look at others through the eyes of your own experience"

The Lord has brought this to mind for a reason...I needed to see it. I needed to realize that doing this is part of the human condition. I had high expectations on people and was deeply hurt when I felt that they truly didn't understand me. Oh how I wanted them to see ME, and hear ME, but what was I really looking for? I was looking for something from people that only God can offer me. There is no other person on the planet who can truly understand me, my thoughts, my feelings or my deepest longings. Only God can do that. The Lord has given me new eyes to see, not only this truth, but people for who they are.

I am learning Lord, but I ask for your view of people and the ability to truly love without judgment and expectations. Fill my heart with love for your people and the ability to look past what I can see into the deeper things of your heart Lord. I want to see people through your eyes. Continue to have your way in my heart I pray. In the mighty and precious name of our Lord, Jesus Christ.