Jesus is my Break in the Clouds

The other morning on the way to work I noticed something about the sky. This was a day that followed several cloudy/rainy days. It was not raining however; the clouds in the sky were mostly white dotted with spots of blue sky.

This view following many days of cloudiness and months of depression made me realize something. Depression makes every day seem the same and like a cloudy day the view is dim and mostly dark. Feelings of apathy and inability to relate normally to people can make a person feel that they are living a meaningless existence, especially if that person is otherwise full of life with a heart that seeks to love and be loved by people.

Struggling with the feelings or lack of feelings that accompany depression can be like being under cloudy skies...all gray with no breaks in the clouds. It's as if you are living out your life within the confines of a barrier; like you are being kept in the little space and time with no idea when, how or if it will ever change. You can't see beyond the gray so your depression deepens. You feel tired and your eyes seem to have a film over them from the haze. Basically the weight of the clouds keeps you from rising above them and when you try to look up you see only gray. You feel trapped within a kind of bubble as you look to the east where the sun rises and you see a cloudy barrier. As your eyes scan to sky above and fall to the west, again the dome shaped barrier is there. You begin to feel that life will always be this way and your view is very inward and small.

On this particular morning I looked up and there were clouds, but here and there I could see breaks in the clouds with beautiful blue skies that seem to go on forever just on the other side. The clouds where the breaks were had a shimmering glow along the outer edges. Though the sun was covered it managed to shine through. Suddenly I realized the world is bigger...huge even! Time and space have shifted and the ability to believe that the Lord is the one in control increases. I am reminded of the mercy of God

I realized as I road along that Jesus is the break in the clouds for me. I mean when I am at my lowest moment; feeling burdened by the weight of the clouds, I can’t see anything else. I can’t see the needs of other people, my greatest efforts are used to hopefully get me through another day without hurting someone else with my words or giving up on what I know to be true in my heart. Probably the hardest part is in dealing with the fact that though they try, other people don't really understand. But then suddenly in my desperation I call on the name of the Lord. I acknowledge some very important things about myself and he shows up and he opens a place in the clouds just enough to let me see him again. Oh wait...he was always there, I think he impressed upon me that it was I that finally showed up. Jesus is my break in the clouds.