"Why can't you be a good little girl?"

Not being what one might call "a good little girl" though I heard those words a lot in a negative sense, I often felt misunderstood. I recall hearing things like: "Why can't you be a good little girl?" or "be a good girl" or "Are you going to be a good little girl today?" If people simply recognized when I was being "a good little girl" and pointed out the positives in my behavior, that would have done wonders in helping me to keep my behavior in line.

I was born more of a tomboy than a girly girl. I liked some girl things, but I liked the exhilaration and excitement that came with boy expectations. Maybe the reason is because the behaviors I exhibited were more readily accepted from boys than from girls. Good little girls sat quietly with their hands folded, their legs and feet together and they didn't speak their mind, in fact they didn't speak at all unless spoken to.

Good girls simply answered questions as they are asked and they were not expected to think and do for themselves. And good little girls did not get dirty, sticky or smelly. They were expected to be patient, kind, sweet, quite, and passive. Hey....wait, I didn't fit any of those descriptive words. I mean I was those things here and there, but not as a rule. I was a girl who was constantly on the move. I would rather play with cars and trucks than dolls. It just wasn't appealing to me to sit around and have tea parties, put on dress up clothes and play with dolls. When I did play with dolls, it was always with action. My Barbie doll got to ride in the front seat of G.I. Joe's Jeep. She was not standing in a kitchen somewhere with an apron on.

I remember when I was about 10 years old setting up a little barber shop in my bedroom. I don't know where I got the scissors, but I took each one of my dolls, including Baby First Step, Barby and one really tall doll with long blond hair. One by one I cut their hair and turned them into boy dolls. Sounds funny huh? My mother didn't think so; she scolded me severely, took the scissors and warned me she better not catch me doing that again or I was going to get "the belt". I did it again anyway, but she never found out.

I secretly wanted to be a boy. It seemed to me that life was easier for boys. From my point of view, boys didn't have to try so hard to be good. Boys could play hard and were expected to get dirty and smelly. It seemed to me boys got to have fun and they could run around without their shirts on. They certainly didn't have to sit a certain way and keep their legs together while warning a dress. What is not appealing about that? If one of my brothers got into trouble or did something mischievous it was often discounted with comments such as, "oh, how cute" or "boys will be boys" It didn't take long for me to figure out that boys were excused for their poor behavior simply by virtue of their gender. It wasn't fair!














I must confess, I have done similar things to my own children. Let's face it we learn what we live and then we pass it on to the next generation. Hopefully we begin to question some of the attitudes and expectations that we feel are unrealistic and then we do things a bit differently.

It says in Proverbs 22:6 train a child up in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. If we read that verse with the word he emphasized, we will see that it is intended to mean the way that is right for the individual child. Parents and caregivers will be doing the children in their lives a great favor in allowing them to become the people they were intended to be instead of trying to make them fit within the parameters in order to conform to what is perceived as the norm.

I had high expectations for my children and likely did some damage to their self image when they were young, but as I grew older and began to understand the truth, I changed my view and my own ideas about the way they should go and I began to simply allow them to be who they were and love them for their unique and individual qualities. I began this by trusting the Lord with my children and realizing they were never mine to begin with. The Lord decided long ago the way each one should go and I trust he has not changed his mind. This has also helped me in my ability to let them go when the time came. God loves my children more and better than I ever could. He still has their best in mind.

Thank you Lord!